I have a very early memory of my grandmother’s basement. She still had one of those old-school wash tubs with a manual hand-cranked ringer on it. The world of modern appliances had moved on considerably, but for some reason my grandmother still had a manual wash tub in her basement. What I remember is the darkness of the basement, and the strange wonder I was feeling as I watched the wet clothes being squished, flattened, and pulled into unrecognizable shapes.
This year feels a little bit (make that a lot) like being put through that ringer. Here we are in September, and many changes have happened in my life. Landslide shifts in what my work-life looks like, my mom needing personal assistance as she navigates another health scare, and an out-of-state move (goodbye California, hello Oregon!)–all while living with a global pandemic, political and social upheaval, and wildly insane climate-change driven wildfires and heatwaves (can we call it apocalyptic yet?). These are huge, stress inducing changes. I keep trying to clean, straighten, find some order, some normality, anything to keep the chaos at bay. But, maybe what is needed is to lean into that chaos. What if rather than turning away from all of the feelings of worry, frustration, anger, or fear, I really sat down with them and had a conversation? Not in a let me wallow in them kind of way, but in a curious, interested, and compassionate kind of way.
While I can’t control the world, or the politics that run it, or the fear generated by it all–what I can control is how I respond. I am sure that most of us have heard the Chaos Theory concerning the wings of a butterfly. What it’s really trying to say is that tiny changes in a big system can affect everything. How does this work for me? I work on the one thing I can change–myself. What are the roots of my triggers? Why do I think/feel/react certain ways when x, y, or z happen? Once I know, I have the power to choose a different, and better, response. It can be very interesting, very revealing work. This is radical self-care.
“In chaos, there is fertility.” –Anais Nin
Some of 2020 has been undeniably bad, but some has been outstandingly good also–like purchasing a home. Another gift has been re-connecting with creative source. For a while during my teens, I nurtured a macrame jewelry making passion. It was tiny, intricate work that I loved very much. A broken mala that I wanted to continue to use, put me back on the path of jewelry and mala making. It’s both a meditation and a creative hobby that brings peace and joy.
My new office/video/zoom/yoga space is a blank canvas that I am in the process of envisioning–from choosing a new desk and shelf set, to what color to paint the walls, to how to organize it all (the Virgo me LOVES this). In this space, I will be creating programs, meditations, and videos–some live, some pre-recorded. I can truly say I am excited for what is yet to come. Please do stay tuned!
In closing, I invite you to connect with what brings you peace and joy. It’s there, waiting to be discovered. And, like a bee that harvests nectar from a sunflower to make golden honey, you too will create peace, joy, and be part of the tapestry of change that will spread throughout the world.
Claudia Fountain Fitness + Yoga 